Seen one homeless person and you HAVEN'T seen them all

I’ve grown accustomed to seeing beggars and bums in the streets. There’s homeless people in New York just like there’s homeless people in Champaign or Chicago – the population is just more dense here so there are a lot more unfortunate people. I’ve also grown accustomed to just walking by—I always notice them, always feel for their plight – Usually. I have seen a woman begging for change with manicured nails and I know enough people who’ve seen someone beg for change with a fresh haircut then change into nice clothes and walk into a bar with a pocketful of drinking money.

But the majority of people I see on the streets are obviously mentally ill or came across some other hardship. Once I saw a woman with her nine- or 10-year-old daughter sleeping against her shoulder holding a sign reading “recently homeless. Please help.” That broke my heart. But today man. Today, as I was walking out of the station at Atlantic and Pacific Station in Brooklyn, there was an old woman, at least 60, begging for change. She sounded like the sweetest thing ever. She was in a tattered long denim skirt and rose- colored shirt worn thing. She held an almost empty Poland Springs water bottle as she called “Miss, some change? Miss? Miss” I walked by, as usual and I immediately felt like an asshole, a spoiled brat. Here I was, walking into Target about to exchange a pair of flip-flops because they stretched out on me too much and this woman’s fucked. No matter how broke I think I am, I am 1,000,000 times better-off than she. I wanted to turn around but for some reason I didn’t, I don’t know why. It’s bothering me right now. How on Earth did she get herself into that situation? Does she do drugs? Is her social security check not enough? Did someone, maybe a greedy daughter, swindle her out of her money? Was she taken advantage of? Where does she sleep at night without worry about being raped? Does she get enough to eat? Does she have any family? Anyone to talk to?

I kept pausing and thought about turning around, but I didn’t. I said ‘If she’s still there when I get back, I’ll buy her dinner.” But she wasn’t. I usually don’t give money to homeless people. I’ll throw some change sometimes, or if someone’s really entertaining, as I’ve described, and makes me laugh, or even just smile, I’ll open my wallet, but not normally. I guess it honestly just depends on my mood. I just feel really skeptical of people on the streets – maybe I just feel that way in order to justify my (for lack of a better term) selfishness. Maybe nonchalance is a better term.

I don’t know, there was something about this woman that really got to me today. I can’t get her out of my mind and I feel like an ass for not doing anything. I wanted to ask her why she’s on the streets and what I could do to help her get help. I always feel worse for the old, lonely women I see on the streets—yeah, I know life is rough for both sexes, but there are stats that prove life is harder, in my eyes, as a homeless woman.